In an earlier post, I described the epiphany from God that provided me with the knowledge that my son was suffering from depression. When he realized that he did indeed have depression, at my urging, he went -- mostly willingly, somewhat reluctantly, to our primary care physician. He returned with prescription, but to my surprise, no referral to a psychologist or counselor.
So I blessed my son with an Oscar-worthy performance of my "Toolbox Lecture." I called son into my office one evening and invited him to sit down. I pointed to my upside-down desk chair and announced dramatically, "My chair is broken! Woe is me! Whatever shall I do?" Suspiciously humoring me, he tentatively suggested, "Fix it?"
"What a great idea!" I exclaimed. "But where do I start? If only I had something to use to do that, like a tool maybe?" all as I "accidentally" directed his attention to the toolbox sitting on my desk by casually leaning on it.
Rolling his eyes but still humoring me, he stated the obvious: "There are tools in the toolbox."
"Really? There's something in there that will help me fix my chair?" I feigned stupidity.
"Yes, mom."
Without lifting the lid of the toolbox any further than was required to snake my hand inside, I blindly removed the first tool my hand touched. I grandly waved a measuring tape at my son. "Ta-dah! I have a tool! Now we can fix my chair!"
"No, mom."
"What? Is this the wrong tool?"
"Yes, mom."
Meryl Streep got nothing on me. "Oh, no! All is lost! Whatever can I do now? My chair will never be fixed!"
Raising his eyebrow and wondering where all this is leading, son still plays along for the moment. "Uh, mom, get another tool?"
I gasp, "You mean I shouldn't give up? I should try something else? There's still hope?"
"Yes, mom."
I torture him long enough to repeat this, twice more withdrawing a not-so-helpful tool from the toolbox, until triumphantly my hand emerges with a screwdriver and we both agree that now, after several tries, we have the right tool.
I close the analogy by telling him that fighting depression is like fixing my chair. We have a huge toolbox filled with wonderful tools: a plethora of different medications that address a variety of physical issues, counseling, support groups, psychologists, etc. All the tools are useful, but not all of them are the best for doing what we need done.
I encourage him that his recovery will be a process. The first tool we pull out of our toolbox may not be spot-on the perfect tool for the job. We may need to try a different medication. Or add individual counseling. Or support group. But we will press on. We will not give up. We will try everything and anything until he is well. We shall overcome! Together we can do anything!
Seriously, I am not clever enough in the flesh to have come up with the toolbox analogy/lecture. It just happened. Poof! It was in my mind, and I believe it was given to me by God Himself. With that belief, I just knew that in a couple of months, all would be right again.
As I said before, boy, was I naive.
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning. Psalm 130:5-6
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. Luke 18:1
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 2 Peter 3:8
Aside from the illness itself, one of the biggest challenges that a Christian suffering from depression encounters is myth, misconception, misunderstanding, and maybe even just plain ignorance on exactly what depression is. Some believers pronounce judgment by loudly claiming that anyone who has depression is not right with the Lord, or is lacking faith. That taking medication for depression is somehow not biblical, or that it is unnatural or unhealthy, or even a crutch or "happy pills."
When our child is the one who has depression, these misconceptions expand to include the idea that we, as parents, have failed in some way: that we didn't take our children to church often enough, soon enough, or memorize enough Scripture, homeschool them, et cetera.
Now, I am not a doctor. I don't even play one on TV. But I have experienced depression and anxiety personally, seen it in family members, and live with my child who suffers daily from it. And I have researched it and read books trying to learn how to best help my son.
What depression IS NOT:
1. All in their head, or all in your head
2. Laziness or lack of motivation or effort
3. Strictly a spiritual issue or lack of faith
4. Sign of a weak mind or lack of intelligence
5. Something you can rationalize or reason with
6. It is not your fault.
Depression is a real illness and involves -- no, it overwhelms every part of a person. Depression is physical and it is psychological, and often has a spiritual component or may grow to have a spiritual component to it. Because our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made, and our body, soul, mind, and spirit are incomprehensibly intertwined, it is difficult to say where the physical illness ends or the psychological and the spiritual begins. I also think that it is also a case of "which came first, the chicken or the egg."
Physical causes for depression can be: genetic make-up, biochemical factors (the chemistry of the brain), hormonal influences, seasonal factors (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and illness or physical disease.
Did you know that you are more likely to have depression if you have a first-degree relative who has depression? And the likelihood is even a higher percentage if the depression is bipolar.
Depression is a matter of brain chemisty, low levels of norepinephrine, serotonin, and/or dopamine.
Hormonal imbalances can cause depression. Stress triggers increased levels of the hormone, cortisol, which can cause depression. Think also of a woman's monthly hormonal fluctuations, and we know that estrogen and progesterone affect mood. In men, low testosterone levels can cause depression.
Some physical illnesses are known to be linked to depression. Studies show that patients diagnosed with coronary heart disease or vascular disease (involving blood vessels) are likely to have depression, as are those with hypothyroidism or Cushing's syndrome.
My first bout with depression was a direct result of mitral valve prolapse.
Of course, it is easy to see that depression can be the result of psychological causes, such as rejection, heartbreak, grief, stress. But here is where the psychological can turn physical.
Suppose your husband comes in and tells you that due to your shortcomings, he is filing for divorce. As you grieve over days, weeks, or longer, his negative words play over and over in your mind. Over time, these repeated thought patterns actually form neural pathways in your brain, creating a sort of super highway or a "path of least resistance" where your thoughts will naturally begin to turn at any given moment. A cleared path through the forest undergrowth. A rut.
If you are old enough to remember playing records on a record player, perhaps it is easy to think of a scratched record, where the needle would get stuck playing the same few words over and over and over again until someone intervened by physically moving the needle.
Whether you believe your child's illness started off as physical, psychological, or spiritual, these components all feed off one another. Chicken-and-egg. Body-mind-spirit. Round and round they go.
The problem with trying to address the psychological or spiritual components first, is that the depressed mind is not working correctly or functioning rationally. Like trying to reason with someone who has had too much alcohol to drink, we must first sober them up, put them in a physical position where their mind is working correctly, before we can address other issues.
Do not hesitate to seek and encourage medical intervention. Do not be ashamed or afraid of anti-depressants. They very well may be the first step in stopping the merry-go-round that is depression.
Here is a link to click to Prevention's depresson quiz. Click here!
Above all, pray!
Be unceasing in prayer [praying perseveringly]; Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will].
1 Thessalonians 5:17 (The Amplified Bible).
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Much of today's research is from the book, "When Someone You Love Has Depression: A handbook for family and friends by Barbara Baker
Let's start at the beginning. How do you know if your child is suffering from depression versus ordinary hormone-infused teenage angst or young adult stresses? And what if you suspect your child is really suffering from depression? How can you know? How can you approach them? Bear with me as I tell my story. I can get verbose, I know, and am only sort of sorry about that.
I remember what happened so vividly, though I cannot remember the month, the day or year. I believe my son was a freshman in college. I had been concerned about his lack of social life for a while. But this day, for whatever reason, my gut gnawed with pain from worry, and I knew there was something really wrong with my precious child. He had not left his room all day -- or was it all weekend? He avoided me, I could not engage him in any conversation. My husband said it was part of growing up, leave him alone and he'd get over it.
Instinctively knowing better, I retreated to my room and knelt and prayed. Anguished prayers. Weeping. Begging. Pleading. What is wrong with my son, Lord? What can I do?
I do not believe that God answers in audible voices, but I know for a fact that He spoke to me somehow in that tear-drenched moment. Because instantly, out of nowhere, and in a way I cannot explain, the thought blazed my brain and I knew this truth as well as I knew my own name: He is suffering from depression.
I lifted my head in awe and wonder. The tears dried as I recognized the truth. Thank You, God, I whispered. I immediately got up off my knees and headed to my friend Google. In response to my inquiry "symptoms of depression," up popped a checklist of maybe ten symptoms. Immediately I could answer yes to several of them on son's behalf, but some were of a more personal nature.
I prayed. I knocked on son's door and invited him to come and join me at the computer. He came compliantly, though not willingly. I suppose his curiosity was aroused.
When he settled into a chair, without explaining why, I told him that I was going to read a list of symptoms. He did not need to tell me which ones he was answering "yes" to, but he was to keep a mental tally of how many yeses there were. I kept my back to him as I read the questions.
When I turned around, my son had a look of bewildered wonderment on his face. How did you know? as he admitted to answering yes to almost every single question. As gently and as lovingly as I could, I said son, you're suffering from depression. And now that we know what we're dealing with, we can get help and you'll feel better.
How naive I was.
Please post a response. Tell me, tell everyone, your story. How did you know? How old was your child when he/she was diagnosed with depression?
Click:
Here is a link to webmd. Click for a list of symptoms to see if you or your loved one may have depression.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
