The Green-Eyed Monster

It started off simply and innocently enough.  One of my closest friends posted on Facebook an encouraging post to her three children.  It said how proud she was of all of her children for having found meaningful employment and independence as young adults.

But it was like a slap in my face, a kick to the stomach.  It really hurt, and I mean physically as well as emotionally, as I wondered for the bazillionth time if my son will ever achieve independence.  If I will ever be able to sit back in happy contentment and glow with parental pride about my son's accomplishments.

My own downward spiral began, and my jealousy raged out of control. I found myself knotted over any good news where I was not the direct recipient.  A friend's retirement travel plans.  A relative's upcoming wedding.  A friend's husband's new job.  I am ashamed to say that my descent continued for weeks.

I knew my pain and jealousy was rapidly headed down the road to bitterness.  I could feel it in my tightly clenched jaw.

I had a vague recollection of a page in my Bible that grouped and listed "Psalms For When ..."  Sure enough, there was a category for "Psalms For When You are Feeling Jealous."  I started with Psalm 37.

Depending on the translation you prefer, the opening words of Psalm 37 are "Fret not" or "Do not fret."  The ESV and the Amplified Bible say "Fret not yourself."  The word "fret" and the admonition not to do it appears several more times in the same Psalm.  

I've been taught as a general rule in Bible study, that when a word appears more than once, it is worthy to research it. 

Listen to some of the synonyms or alternate meanings for the word "fret" as listed by Strong's:  to glow or grow warm; to blaze up; anger; to burn, be displeased, jealous; self, grieve; kindle.

What a word picture!  Fretting is something I do to myself when I think the same thoughts over and over.  I grieve myself, I kindle my anger and jealousy until it glows and then blazes into anger.  I am doing it to myself.

The fire hose is found in Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."  (NIV)

Here, I like the NIV, because some years ago I did a Bible study (Conversation Peace by Mary Kassian) where the author made up an acronym for Philippians 4:8 -- albeit out of order -- PRE-PLANT, for my thoughts.  Before allowing some alien invasive species of thought to take root in and over my mind and heart like kudzu, I need to treat the soil of my mind with whatever is Pure, Right, Excellent, Praiseworthy, Lovely, Admirable, Noble, and True.

A most excellent resource for helping me (us) to channel our thoughts in the right direction is Ann Voskamp's book, 1,000 Gifts.  I cannot do justice to her words or her journey to healing, but she writes about a friend daring her to list 1,000 things she was grateful for, and the miraculous transformation she has experienced by focusing on "such things."

I wish I could close today by saying that I've made it; I've mastered my jealousy and am at total peace.  But I can't.  Like my son, I am a work in progress.